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Take it from Dr. Snee: Teach your kids to masturbate
Before we get started with this week’s questions, I just want to remind you that your health insurance provider no longer covers consultations. By reading this, you agree to pay your entire bill within...
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Terminator 5: Rise of the Resistance to the Machines
When we started the War on Animals, we did so with a clear sense of purpose. Animals were mauling people left and right and stealing our expensively-hormone-injected crops and livestock. Robots, which...
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We ‘dislike’ your face
If you’re anything like us, you spend a good percentage of your day maintaining your millions of Facebook fans and friends. Since the days of stalking girls in your sociology class, the entire world...
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The most dangerous dame
When it comes to Emma Watson and the Internet, no good has ever come of it. Before she turned 18, her image launched a thousand Chris Hanson and Pedobear memes. Then, when the Harry Potter movies were...
View ArticleAnimals now trying to ruin the good name of bourbon
What’s in a name? Ownership, status, power … even marketing. The right name can be all that matters and what proves the difference between good and bad. After all, you don’t see a whole lot of Sally...
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Anti-vaxxers look forward to resurrecting newly endangered rubella virus
“Concerned parents are go! Repeat: concerned parents are go! This is what we read questionable scientific sources for, people!” Officials from the Pan-American Health Organization issued a new...
View ArticleScientists unearth 30,000-year-old virus, doomsday imminent
Avid readers of this site will know that The Guys aren’t ones to sound the alarm over any old thing. But today we suggest you make your peace with your maker. Things are about to get bumpy. Scientists...
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Zika finally matters
What’s the point of even keeping mice around if they stop humping our gloved hands? Despite a nearly ruined Olympics and a tragic microcephaly outbreak in infants born to infected mothers, Zika really...
View ArticleZombie exploding caterpillars have invaded England
Caterpillars in the U.K. are becoming infected with a virus that turns them into zombies. No wonder the queen drinks so much. According to wildlife experts, there is a scary virus infecting Oak Eggar...
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